


Heavy is the Human Heart

by DraconisFelicis (Ravenhoot)



Series: Musings of the Santos Brothers [5]
Category: Caraval Series - Stephanie Garber
Genre: Brotherly Love, Canon Compliant, Could Be Canon, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Guilt, Worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-09 14:41:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19478002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravenhoot/pseuds/DraconisFelicis
Summary: Julian confesses his worries about Legend to Scarlett and why he feels so guilty about it.SPOILER WARNING: Contains spoilers fromFinale.





	Heavy is the Human Heart

Julian sat with his back against the wall of the stable, his knees pressed against his chest and his head bowed. Scarlett had just used the Reverie Key to return to the Menagerie but had promised that as long as no one had noticed she’d gone, she’d come back. Tella had gone to a creek not far from the stable to collect fresh water for them since the putrid smell of death lingered in the house and had likely tainted the water supply. 

Julian lifted his head slightly at the sound of a door opening, its rusty hinges creaking with an echo in the empty stables. His heart swelled when he saw Scarlett peering down at him with worry lines across her forehead. He hadn't expected her back so soon. 

“Julian?” Her voice was thick with apprehension; he’d been fine when she had left barely twenty minutes ago. “What’s wrong? Is Tella-”

“Tella’s fine,” Julian rushed to assure her as he stood. He brushed hay off the seat of his pants and sighed. 

“Then what is it?”

Julian could see the genuine concern on her beautiful face. He didn’t want to be the cause of her worry. She reached for his hand and though she wove her fingers between his and squeezed his hand gently, he kept his limp and did not return the gesture. He brought his free hand up to her face and ran his course thumb over her forehead to smooth out the worry wrinkles. 

“It’s nothing. I’ll be fine,” he said dismissively. 

Scarlett took half a step backward. “Don’t Julian. You promised - no more secrets.”

Julian sighed, knowing she was right. It was just so easy for him to trap things inside and bury them. He still wasn't used to having a reason not to constantly lie. “It’s my brother.”

“Legend?” Scarlett asked with slight surprise. “What’s wrong with him?”

“He’s dead,” Julian said flatly. 

“But… you and Tella said he’ll come back, won’t he?” 

“He will. But… it’s just hard to explain.” Julian was trying to be honest like he’d promised her he would be but still protect her from anything that might hurt her. Scarlett wasn’t at risk of any physical danger from telling her his concerns, but Scarlett didn’t only worry for herself - she worried for her sister just as much. And for him, Julian supposed. Scarlett had learned not to worry quite so much during the first Caraval, but her instinct to worry about those she loved was deeply ingrained in her soul. It was part of who she was. 

Julian glanced around to make sure Tella wasn’t on her way back from the creek. He squeezed Scarlett’s hand and motioned for her to follow him up to the loft. From there, he knew he’d be able to see Tella coming back over the hill. 

Scarlett looked at him expectantly. Julian ran a hand through his hair and began. “Legend is immortal, so if he dies, he’ll just come back. Sometimes it takes a few hours, sometimes it takes as long as a full day, but he always comes back.” 

Scarlett nodded. So far, this wasn’t new information. 

“An immortal’s weakness is love. If they fall in love with a human, they cease to be immortal and become human themselves,” Julian continued. 

“Right, which is why I have to try to make the Fallen Star love me as his child,” Scarlett provided. 

“I’m not talking about the Fallen Star. I’m talking about Legend.”

“But… Legend’s not at risk of becoming mortal,” Scarlett puzzled. “He doesn’t love anybody.”

“I think he might,” Julian said pointedly, still staring out the window at the empty hill crest. 

“Tella?” Scarlett gasped.

Julian nodded and Scarlett paled. “So, you think he may not come back?”

“No, I think he’s coming back,” Julian said with a shake of his head. “He’s definitely still immortal, but I think he’s at risk of becoming human.”

“How?”

“I think Tella’s making him feel things he hasn’t felt in over a hundred years. Some things that he’s probably never felt at all. It’s been so long since he was mortal, he’s forgotten almost everything about his life back then. And what he hasn't forgotten, he's tried to bury so deep he can choose to ignore it. So I think Tella is waking up all of these things in him and he doesn’t know what to do with them. My brother will never admit fear, but I think it’s scaring him, so he’s trying to bury it down and deny it.”

“So, do you think he loves my sister?”

“I think he wants to,” Julian explained. “But I don’t think he’ll let himself even entertain the idea because he’s too afraid of losing his immortality.” 

“So… I’m confused,” Scarlett admitted. “Why are you worried about him then?”

Julian ran a hand through his hair again. “Because I feel terrible for wanting him not to love her.”

Scarlett blinked several times. Julian could tell that wasn’t what she’d expected to hear. 

“You want Legend to stay immortal?”

“No… but yes, sort of.” 

“That cleared nothing up,” Scarlett pointed out unnecessarily. 

“I know,” Julian replied with a weak chuckle. “More than anything, I want my brother to be able to love. I want him to be able to look at Tella and feel everything I feel when I look at you.” He turned away from the open barn door to look at her. The way he looked at her was not unlike a drowning man looking at the only piece of land as far as the eye could see. She was his salvation - his lifeline. Without her, he feared he would drown. But he didn't just need her. He wanted her. He'd lived for decades on his own, not forming connections with anyone besides his brother, but he could never go back to that now. He loved her wholly and completely and his gaze said as much. 

Scarlett blushed bright pink but was touched all the same. 

“But at the same time," Julian continued, "I don’t want it to happen, at least not yet. He’s too careless. He takes unnecessary risks because he knows there’s no real danger. If anything happens to him, he’ll just come back, so time and time again, he’s negligent with his own safety. And if he falls in love with Tella, I’m terrified it will mean his death.”

Julian looked at the floor as he said the last line. He refused to meet Scarlett’s eyes. What he wanted was selfish and unfair, but he couldn’t make himself not want it. Julian loved his brother, even when they fought or when Legend did things that pushed Julian’s patience to the edge. He desperately wanted his brother’s love, but not at the risk of his life. 

“Julian.” Scarlett’s voice was soft and tender and sounded nothing like what he expected it would after he’d essentially confessed he wanted Legend not to fall in love Tella. He kept his gaze on the weather-worn planks of wood that made up the loft floor. 

“Julian,” she said again, a little firmer but still just as tender. 

When he still wouldn’t look at her, she brought her hand to his chin to lift it. Her fingers were as soft as her voice. The course stubble on his chin was a stark contrast to the silky smoothness of her delicate fingers. Despite himself, he felt the gooseflesh on his arms tingle. Just the slightest touch from her was electrifying. He raised his head as she lifted his chin and finally looked into her eyes. 

Julian could lose himself forever in her eyes. Before he’d met Scarlett, he didn’t know anyone whose eyes were so captivating and caring. He silently cursed himself for even the few seconds he’d spent refusing to look into them. Any moment spent looking away from her was a moment wasted. He wanted her to be the first thing he saw in the morning and the last thing at night. 

“I don’t blame you,” Scarlett said softly. 

His face betrayed his silence and told her that he clearly didn’t believe her. 

“Imagine if our roles were reversed,” Scarlett urged him. “Would you be upset with me for not wanting Tella to fall in love if it would kill her?” 

“No,” Julian said immediately. “You love your sister.”

“And you love your brother.” She reached for his hand again and this time, he let her lock her fingers between his. 

“I love  _ you, _ ” Julian breathed. “And I sure as hell don’t deserve you.” 

“None of that,” Scarlett ordered. 

He cupped the back of her neck and pulled her closer, covering her mouth with his with a tender kiss. He pulled back and rested his forehead against hers. “I love you, Crimson. I love you more than I even know how to say.” 

Scarlett let him wrap her tightly in his arms. As he held her, he hated himself even more for wishing that Legend wouldn’t love Tella. Having Scarlett in his arms was the best feeling in the entire world. She had turned Julian’s whole world upside down since the day she'd entered his life but he wouldn’t trade a single moment of it for all the gold in the five empires. He sighed against her hair. If he was lucky enough to be this happy, then his brother - and Tella - deserved the same. He just hoped he’d be able to convince Legend to be less reckless before it was too late. 


End file.
